http://www.pabaines.com en-gb pabaines.com 2013-5-15T00:00:00Z pabaines.com http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#135665 Some people have green thumbs. My Mum did. She could make anything with leaves and roots grow. Visiting her house was like venturing into a jungle. Pot plants everywhere and the feeling that at any moment you would hear an elephant trumpet or see a monkey swing between the rafters.I on the other hand was not blessed with this skill. Last year I bought my wife a strawberrygrowing kit for Valentines day. Leaving my own personal lack of romantic judgement aside for the moment I managed to grow one strawberry. And not one of the big plump juicy specimens displayed on the seed packet. This looked like it had just survived a plane crash and a three week trek across the desert. It started out promisingly enough with big leaves and strong stems but the fruitbearing was a total loss. I either gave it too much water or not enough water. Or the temperature wasnt right. Or the soil was wrong. I dont know.Had it been a weed then that would have been different because weeds are strong. Weeds do not ... 2013-5-15 12:26:03 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#135634 So I did a workout last night and today Im hurting in places I never knew I had places. After a two week bout of sickness I decided to take the bull by the horns as it were and get back into training. Those in the know about such matters warn against exercising too hard after a break. Surprisingly I happen to be one of those people and will spout this wisdom to anyone who asks. Take it easy after a break I warn them. Give your body time to adjust.Good advice except I seem incapable of applying it to myself. Put me in a room with gym equipment and I lose all selfcontrol. Its almost as bad as my lack of willpower around cheesecake.So what did I do to cause myself so much pain Two words CrossFit.All right its only one word but whos counting The point is I wanted to try something new. My usual regime consists of Step for cardio and borin old weights for strength. Ive been doing Step for ages and have reached the point where the highest level feels almost effortless. On Saturday I did Gin M... 2013-5-14 15:35:39 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#134262 Im enjoying a hiatus at the moment. If this brings to mind afternoons lazing on a beach or by the pool dont believe it. What a hiatus actually means for me these days is just doing my normal job. I get to go home and actually relax as opposed to writingeditingworrying about my lastcurrentnext novel.Its a bit like going from a sprint to a jog or when you stop hitting your head against a wall I actually dont do this. . .often. When I was working in the fitness industry many many years ago I used to cycle from class to class which got kind of tiring. I owned a car but this vehicle was interesting to drive. And by interesting I mean dangerous. It was an emergency backup for when the bike was out of service. Let me tell you that car may have been a junk but sitting behind that wheel felt like heaven after so much cycling.So thats how I feel right now. Hanzet is back with the editor. Alpha Revelation is with Grace. My short story anthology is taking a break before I start redrafting. All I h... 2013-4-10 14:47:43 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#133375 If you listen in on a discussion about the existence of God sooner or later someone will pipe up with the statement that they refuse to believe in a God who can allow A or do B or create C. This has always struck me as a bit peculiar. Its a bit like saying that you refuse to believe in gravity because it hurts when you fall down.This attitude however is typical of our modern culture. We live in a world where the individual has rights and where blame has to be apportioned for everything that happens that we dont like. And in a litigious society such as the US and increasingly Europe we expect compensation. In a democracy our leaders are there because we chose them or at least the majority did. As elected officials our government representatives are answerable to the people who put them in their position of power. If we dont like how they behave we can always vote them out of office.Sadly people seem to view God in the same way. They dont get that God is not in a position of power becaus... 2013-3-20 09:18:33 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#133193 Ive been seeing the word freethought a lot recently. It refers to a philosophy in which practitioners strive to think purely in terms of observable testable empirical evidence free from the restraints of dogma and precenceived opinions. Proponents such as Richard Dawkins are strongly antireligious because they see religious dogma as the antithesis of freethinking. In general freethinkers tend to be naturalists or at the very least of an atheist world view. They reject religion preferring to embrace science as holding the key to all knowledge. Religion according to freethinkers is a nogo area. Which when you think about it is kind of ironic.From my experience I can tell you that not all atheists practice freethought. I work in an enviroment that is almost exclusively atheistic and I can attest to this. As a rule IT workers tend to be logical people. They build programs based on logical statements. The words IF THEN and ELSE are at the very core of computer programming. There is no PERHA... 2013-3-15 10:18:15 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#132918 Wednesday this week saw the first decent weather since Winter began about ten years ago just kidding but it feels that way. As usual this first signal that Spring was on the way was accompanied by patches of daffodil leaves spectacular formations of geese heading back home clusters of early leaf buds on trees and middleaged men in lycra.As a boring yearround allweather cyclist for over eight years now I have a pretty good idea of who the regulars are. Most are recognizable by their attire and their posture on the bike. They tend to lean forward but not too far indicating a lengthy period in the saddle. They dress comfortably but not fashionably. They use pannier bags and carry light waterproofing. They ride bikes that are solid but wellworn. In short the regular diehards go for utilitarian because people who cycle all year round have to be prepared for any weather and fashion doesnt come into it. All we care about is getting to work dry and clean. Doesnt really matter what we look like... 2013-3-8 12:22:14 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#132639 More and more these days I find myself examining my motivation for writing. It started out nobly enough with me doing what I believed God wanted me to do. I prayed for something I could do for Him beyond providing for my family and attending church. Almost immediately I had the urge to write a novel with a story complete in my head. Simple enough. RightWell perhaps not. There are certain mitigating factors that I probably should own up to.Mitigating factor 1. Career. When I first started writing I was at serious loggerheads with my career. I wasnt enjoying my job and having worked in the fitness industry for five years was having major issues fitting in to an office environment. I love working with computers but a job seldom involves doing fun things. It also broke my heart to have to leave my wife and kids at home every day. It was my dream to be able to work from home and be with my family.Mitigating factor 2. Money. As a poorlypaid civil servant I was really struggling to make ends ... 2013-3-1 08:10:09 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#132283 My wife spent most of last weekend preoccupied and upset. Like me she is part of an online community and like me she tries to be a positive influence on the Internet. We may not always succeed but we do our best. Sometimes we cause offense but it is never on purpose. Her thing is to post pictures with an uplifting scripture. Ive seen what she does and it always makes me smile. She puts a lot of effort into matching the picture with the scripture so that they complement each other.So why was she preoccupied Apparently some people took offence to her posting these little electronic messages. Every time she posted something somebody attacked her. Last weekend she came to me with her hands in the air completely flummoxed by how somebody could take offence to a scripture as innocuous as Deuteronomy 79 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God he is the faithful God keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.I suggested that a n... 2013-2-21 07:13:04 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#131934 In a recent announcement the head of the Las Vegas tourism department Ava Rice outlined the citys plans for reducing energy consumption. In an initiative entitled More Green in 2013 Ms Rice described some of the measures to be introduced by hotels and casinos along the main strip. These include turning off the lights after the last guest has gone to bed and limiting the total length of neon lighting on any new developments to two miles while capping the total number of bulbs to three million. I believe said Ms Rice from her penthouse at the top of the citys newest hotel an exact replica of Ireland built entirely out of green neon tubing that this will prove how seriously we take environmental issues.Las Vegas before and after implementing the new measures. 2013-2-13 08:04:29 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#131890 Write at least one new novel every year. Try to make each novel better than the last. Try to do something different each time. Learn from past mistakes. Dont worry too much about negative reviews. Figure out what marketing strategies work best. Remember that overnight success seldom happens overnight.So in a nutshell my aim is to write consistently while striving to improve the quality of each new project. I have put marketing close to the bottom of the list because while important I think that focussing too much on trying to sell a book distracts you from what you should really be doing writing. I honestly believe that if you turn out good quality novels on a regular basis your work will do most of its own marketing. 2013-2-12 09:00:30 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#131220 In the lead up to 2016 the Olympic Committee have announced plans to reduce the total number of events by half. Being loathe to cut popular sports the committee intend to combine events thereby maintaining viewer interest while also increasing overall entertainment value.We want to reduce the total number of events by at least a half. In 2012 we had almost eleven thousand athletes competing in over three hundred events across twenty six sports. The idea is to combine every event with at least one other event. Although the more we can combine the better. We are also considering joining the winter and summer Olympics. In 2010 we had eighty six events. Thats a total of three hundred and eighty eight events across two Olympic games. If we bring this number down to two hundred future games would become more streamlined as well as more entertaining plus it would make it possible for less wealthy countries to act as host.The committee has made a number of suggestions but is open to ideas from... 2013-1-31 09:22:25 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#131218 How to succeed at writing.1 Become famous at something and get a celebrity book deal. 2 Ask your spouse who just happens to be a publisher to help you. 3 Accidentally write something that in spite of poor quality and questionable ethics inexplicably taps into a global desire to read mindless trash.4 Show it to someone you bump into who just happens to be a publisher.5 Work hard to build a readership through diligence and a determination to produce quality prose.Lets examine each of these in more detail.1 Becoming famous at anything is almost as difficult as becoming a published author. You might as well focus on what you enjoy doing. 2 What are the odds that the person you fell in love with and married is also a publisher You could always be proactive and look for a life partner who fits the bill but that opens a whole new can of worms. Not only is that a little bit mercenary but also kind of creepy.3 You could write trash in the hope that you have hit the right vein but this means ign... 2013-1-31 07:50:13 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#131097 My next book release is still a few weeks away but weeks are pretty much meaningless in the world of book publishing. The whole industry seems to operate in a parallel spacetime continuum in which everything moves according to a completely different set of rules. Hanzet is due to hit the stores at the end of March. Thats a mere twoandahalf months away. It might as well be next week.Right now Im experiencing the first symptoms of prerelease nerves. It is the faintest tingling in my stomach that comes from the realization that in just a few short weeks another book with my name on it will be available for purchase.I dont know how well it is going to do. All I know is that Ive been around long enough to know that we cant really know anything. I always assumed that the second release would be easier by dint of the fact that I had been through it all before. The truth is I honestly dont have a clue whats going to happen. But then thats part of the pleasure. Can you imagine how boring it wou... 2013-1-29 12:36:46 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#130969 The second half of last week was an odd one for me. I spent most of it in or around my bed thanks to the nastiest virus I have ever encountered. Normally Im pretty resilient to the seasonal bugs and seldom take more than a day off work every other year. This winter however the bugs seem to have grown fangs and they brought their bigger meaner cousin along you know the one they dont talk much about who spends a lot of time away.Having already been ill this season I figured Id had my dose. Hoo boy was I wrong. I called in sick Wednesday morning fully intending to be back in the office by Thursday. Fast forward to Friday evening. I was still in bed coughing and spluttering all sorts of mulch while in a state of semidelusion fever. After three days my throat still felt like it was about to burst into flames at any moment. The only thing that eased the pain was gallons and gallons of icedtea which thanks to the diuretic effect gave my bladder the constitution of a leaky sprinkler system. St... 2013-1-28 10:43:03 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#130637 Earlier this week an attempt to break the record for the worlds highest skydive went terribly wrong. In what authorities describe as an unfortunate accident amateur Dutch stuntman Bart Ball of Fire Burgess failed in his attempt to beat the previous record of 24 miles set in October 2012 by Austrian extreme skydiver Felix Baumgartner.Using a homemade suit constructed entirely of ducttape and wearing a knapsack containing a parachute fashioned from a tablecloth and lengths of twine Bart tied himself to four weather balloons and launched himself into the winter sky over Rotterdam.Eyewitnesses reported seeing a silvergray manshaped object rising at terrific speed above the city. Authorities received numerous calls from people claiming to have seen a UFO prompting a jet to be scrambled from the nearby Air Force base. The pilot was able to confirm that the UFO was in fact a man wrapped in duct tape wearing a rudimentary helmet and khaki knapsack and clutching a pair of garden shears apparen... 2013-1-21 12:54:04 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#129050 1 What is the title of your next bookworkIve got two books due for release early 2013 plus another in the pipeline. Ill mention all three but Ill focus on just one. Alpha Revelation due out early 2013 Hanzet due out March 2013 Odd Jobs workinprogress2 Where did the idea come from for the bookworkIts the sequel to Alpha Redemption which was originally written as a standalone. My publisher suggested a different ending which made space for a sequel. Plus there was a complaint from some readers that not enough time was spent on the planet at Alpha Centauri. This addresses that. Well sort of.3 What genre does your bookwork fall underLiterary Christian Science Fiction.4 What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie renditionShorBrett Joel Courtney from Super 8.Mel Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games.5 What is the onesentence synopsis of your bookdeep breath When Shor discovers a derelict space ship buried under a layer of dust in a forgotten hangar on... 2012-12-14 09:38:54 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#128863 They called him the God of the Gaps.These men with their allseeing lenses.Hes not worth the effort they said. Hes losing the fight.Come join us in our enlightment.Weve seen the future and it is so bright.Someday science will have all the answers.No stone unturned no shadow unexplored.In the pursuit of Truth.They called him the God of the Gaps.These women with their lab coats and petri dishes.Where is he now they asked. Amidst all this pain and sufferingCome join us in our brilliance.Weve cast our eyes to the very edge of time.Someday science will know all there is.No question unanswered. No mystery unsolved.In the thirst for Knowledge.They called him the God of the Gaps.These children with their keen and skeptical minds.Hes dying they said. Why believeCome join us in our righteousness.Weve decided what is right and wrong. We know the way.Someday science will transform the world.No moral dilemnas. No rights abused.In the journey to Wisdom.They called him the God of the Gaps.These infant... 2012-12-9 19:34:36 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#127868 To the driving instructor whose student I accidentally cut off at a busy intersection the other day You had the hazard lights flashing on a moving vehicle. This is very confusing for other drivers who dont expect this. It is especially confusing at a busy intersection. From my position to your right I saw the indicators on my side and so thought you were turning right which is why I proceeded to pull out in front of you. Hazard lights are for emergencies only. A slowmoving student driver is hardly an emergency. Hazard lights are not meant to indicate a student driver. Your car was festooned with signs indicating that the driver was a learner. Even though it was not my fault I lifted my hand to apologize. You could at least show a little class and acknowledge my apology. Shaking your head at me in a condescending way was not nice. May I suggest a refresher course Clearly you are not fit to be a driving instructor. 2012-11-16 08:49:59 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#126794 Wednesday is one of my favorite days. Its not as nice as Friday where the promise of a glorious weekend lies just a few short hours away but it comes close.I like my job but I dont love it. It gets really stressy sometimes giving me occasional sleepless nights and making Sunday evenings one of my least favorite times of the week.To help me get from Monday to Friday I have always visualised the week as a steep hill or a mountain. Monday is base camp. Tuesday is the actual climb. Wednesday is reaching the summit. Thursday is the trip down the other side. Friday is...well its FridayThe nice thing about this tactic is that it makes the week seem less daunting. Five days can seem like an eternity when youre under stress. Breaking it down into manageable milestones makes it more of an adventure. Today is Wednesday which means Im standing on the summit of my mountain gazing down at my destination in the valley below. Tomorrow is Thursday or Fridayeve which means I get to rappel all the way do... 2012-10-24 14:05:16 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#126685 Does anyone like Mondays Im sure there are people who think Mondays are wonderful. Like people who are retired for example because they get to enjoy some peace and quiet while everyone else is at work. Or maybe those working funny shifts where they work weekends but have Mondays off. No doubt these people think Mondays are spiffing but Im not talking about these people. Im talking about normal ninetofive rankandfile MondaytoFriday working stiffs. These people generally dont like Mondays at all.I read a news report which quoted a study as saying that most people dread Sunday evenings because it means the end of the weekend. Many sleep badly on Sunday nights as well. I empathize with that because I have spent countless Sunday nights tossing and turning as my mind started wrestling with the week ahead. Many have been the nights that Ive woken at 2am in a cold sweat. Then no matter how hard Ive tried my brain would not shut down. Its like it is determined to torture me with problems that h... 2012-10-22 08:48:27 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#126575 I used to be really fit. In fact my first fulltime job was in the fitness industry working as an aerobics and gym instructor. My working day consisted of exerciseand lots of it. In a typical weekday I started at 1000 and did not stop moving until around 1800. On top of this I also did training for fitness competitions doing middledistance runs sprints swimming rope jumps push ups and situps. On weekends I would go to the beach to relax but usually spent most of my time bodysurfing. I lived like this for four years. Later after moving to the UK I did a lot less but I was still teaching 2 classes a day. Needless to say I was fitter than a butchers dog. At my peak I registered a resting pulse of 24bpm was doing 108 pushups a minute and 70 full situps a minute could benchpress 300lbs and legpress 800lbs. Oh and I could also do full front and side splits.The reason I mention all this is not to blow my own trumpet. In fact in the words of Edmund Blackadder I dont even own a trumpet. What I w... 2012-10-19 11:49:57 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#126399 If you are a regular reader of this blog you may have noticed a sparsity of reading matter of late. I would blame the cave trolls but theyve been minding their own business since I took out a subscription to Cheesecake of the Week on their behalf. I could point a finger at the gremlins but theyve realized Im a dab hand at fixing computer glitches and they appear to have given up or moved to the neighbours where the computer equipment never works. I could blame the garden gnomes with their cheerful clothes and rosycheeked grins but theyre a sneaky bunch and I only have circumstantial evidence.The problem basically is time. There simply isnt enough of it. Back when I was young ed snicker it used to be everywhere piled in heaps filling ditches falling out of trees gathering in great boredominducing pools of nothingtodo. I used to walk around scooping it up and carrying it around in wobbly armfuls ed you have wobbly arms. These days I cant find the stuff anywhere. I have to dig down the ba... 2012-10-16 11:05:33 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#126202 Devils Hit List by Frank CreedThe One State has contracted the Ash Corporation to produce virtuale a brainwave technology chip so highly addictive that its eventually fatal. The chip is used in the hottest new entertainment product that will hook any who experience it. Calamity Kid and his crew fight the production of virtuale and get backing from the Body of Christ to run an operation to keep the chip from being marketed in North America. But how far can the underground heroes get when the global government and a megacorporation work together Excerpt I clipped myself onto my hang gliders frame. Okay self ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Running with closed eyes and a Grrrr through clenched teeth I followed egirl and Lethe over the rooftops edge. With a rush of wind the stomachflipping rollercoaster drop smoothed out into a kind of breezy floaty feel. I opened my eyes. The nights dark allowed me to enjoy the experience a little. Points o... 2012-10-11 20:33:53 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#125034 In a moment that has shocked the world and sent tremors through the political establishment a leading British government minister was reported to have given a direct answer to a question posed during a televised interview last night.What followed was a full ten seconds of dead air during which the visibly flustered interviewer a veteran with twenty years experience seemed unable to continue.I was stunned she told reporters afterwards. I have never encountered anything like this in all my years in this business. I never expected it. It completely threw me. I asked him a question. He replied no. This could set a whole new precedent.Commentators agree. Word on the Web has it that the face of government could be changed forever. The days of longwinded roundabout answers that dont really address the question could be numbered.Here is a sample of messages from around the Internet Your right. I think politicians should be forced to give oneword answers Ken224 from Facebook youre grammar... 2012-9-20 08:51:30 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#124696 What is the story behind your cover artI wanted something that shows elements from the story rather than a scene or a character. Its the same way I approached the cover for Finding Angel. One of the major elements in Seeking Unseen is a leather notebook. I thought itd be really cool to make the book cover itself look like that notebook. During a conversation with Grace the owner of Splashdown Booksmy publisher she commented that she had always wanted to do a book cover like an old leather book. This was BEFORE I had told her my idea So of course when I described what I was thinking of doing she was totally game. The other element I wanted to have featured was the glowing butterflies. I knew it would be a challenge but I also knew it would really make the cover pop. Grace was on board for that too and told me to get started on a concept sketch.What was your experience like working with Splashdown on your cover artIt was awesome. Grace and I had done the cover of Finding Angel completely... 2012-9-13 06:54:36 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#122879 When I see the word edit my brain summons all sorts of associations. I equate the word edit with words such as prune shear and trim. Apart from my obvious leanings towards horticulture there is clearly a part of me that expects an edit to reduce the word count not increase it. Try telling that to the beast of a manuscript I lovingly refer to as the infernal thing with no end also known as Alpha Revelation.I caught a glimpse of this tendency towards expansionism during the first draft. 80k was my target. 80k is a reasonable size. I could I told myself tell the story in 80k words no problem. Only the beast turned out to be just like me in a cheesecake shop. It wanted just a little bit more. And a litle bit more. And just one tiny bit more.Before I knew it the 80k was 90k then 100k. At 110k I was starting to get worried. Think of the forests I told myself. Think of the trees. Then at last the infernal thing with no end. . .ended. It found its satiation point and just sat there gloating at... 2012-8-7 12:21:50 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#122119 2012-7-23 09:44:13 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#121974 Thinlyveiled proselytizing. Christian propaganda. Religious nonsense.These are just a few of the accusations being directed at a new wave of books that have hit the shelves in recent years. The publishing companies are openly Christian as are the authors who write for them. The covers look like normal books but hidden within the pages is something much more insidious. Theres no smut at all said one shopper who bought one of these books by mistake assuming it was real fantasy. The characters dont swear or steal or sleep around. Worst of all they go to church. I dont want to read this garbage.A quick browse through the Amazon catalog shows a recent dramatic increase in the availability of such novels. They do indeed look harmless. Almost all are heavily tagged as Christian but for some this is not enough.I bought it because of the ratings one reader commented. And the cover looked nice. It didnt look like a Christian book at all. I feel duped. I would demand my money back but I downloade... 2012-7-20 08:34:33 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#121430 Rift Jump by Greg Mitchell The day Michael Morrison died was the day his life began. A sinister threat is growing in the void between realities and Michael has been recruited to stop it. Ripped from his own violent life he is sent rift jumping to other worlds seeking out the agents of the Dark and putting them to an end by any means necessary. The love of his life Sara joins him as he battles Civil War space ships sea serpents superpowered humans and even his own duplicate from a parallel timeline. But the darkness he fights is growing within him too calling him to the same destiny as every other Michael from every other world. If he is to change his fate he must learn to love to forgive to trust and to let the man in the Stetson guide him to become the warrior of the Light he was always meant to be. PROLOGUE Sergeant Kleg Holstead peeked through the gaps between boards and barbed wire that surrounded their f... 2012-7-11 17:47:03 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#121461 The Edgy Christian Fiction Lovers Summer Blog Tour starts todayHere are all the stops. If youre looking for a great summer read these authors write Christian Fiction with biteWed Jul 11 Tammy Doherty CELTIC KNOT CLADDAUGH CELTIC CROSS httpmystiqueofnaultag.blogspot.com Sat Jul 14 Anita K . May Red Rover Red Rover and Amnesia Alibii httpanitamay.aegauthorblogs.com Mon Jul 16 Jennifer H. Westall LOVES PROVIDENCE httpwestallsww.blogspot.com Wed Jul 18 Nike Chillemi PERILOUS SHADOWS BURNING HEARTS GOODBYE NOELhttpnikechillemi.wordpress.com Sat July 21 Tina Pinson WHEN SHADOWS FALL IN THE MANOR OF THE GHOST TOUCHED BY MERCY httptinapinson.blogspot.com Wed July 25 Tracy Krauss WIND OVER MARSHDALE PLAY IT AGAIN MY MOTHER THE MANEATER httpwww.tracykraussexpressionexpress.comSat July 28 BJ Kurtz THE CURSE OF ATLANTIS THE LORD OF NIGHTMARESwww.bjkurtz.blogspot.com Mon Jul 30 Frank Creed FLASHPOINT BOOK ONE OF THE UNDERGROUND WAR OF ATTRITION BOOK TWO OF THE UNDERGROUND UNDERGROUND RISING ... 2012-7-11 07:49:32 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#121304 The publication date for Hanzet the Universe and Everything has been set at March 2013. You can find out more about Hanzet at Written World Communication. 2012-7-8 08:05:21 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#120033 Its official Hanzet the Universe and Everything has found a home. The contract has been signed which means Hanzet will be published by Written World Communication sometime over the coming months. Ill post more details as I get them.... 2012-6-15 09:50:58 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#117955 In a startling announcement leading scientists this week have admitted that they got it wrong with the whole Global Warming theory. We got it wrong a spokesperson told reporters after the emergency meeting of two hundred of the worlds top scientists. We made a mistake. It made sense at the time but we now know we were wrong. There are people who do not believe what we are saying in spite of the facts because they are not seeing the effects of Global Warming with their own eyes. We intend to put that right.The official document outlining the exact changes to the Gobal Warming theory was leaked to the press and we are able to give you a summary of the amendments. The theory itself has remained largely unaltered. What has changed is the name.From now on the term Global Warming will only be used by scientists who actually understand the overriding concepts. For the manonthestreet a number of names have been suggested to help them make sense of what they see every morning when they open the... 2012-5-10 07:59:57 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#114047 As December 21st rapidly approaches and we all prepare for the end of the world internationally unknown scientist and deep brainworker Professor Stan Dovethere of the University of David Hasselhoff in Liverpool has spent the past few weeks scouring the Internet for clues as to how the end of the world will actually occur.To this end Professor Dovethere recently assembled the finest collection of minds ever seen down at his local pub with the aim of deciding exactly what will happen on December 21st 2012. They poured over the plans. They poured over the floor. No expense was spared and no peanut bowl left unemptied until they had reached an agreement and persuaded the DJ to stop playng Karma Chameleon.Many theories were put forward ranging from a collapse of the entire spacetime continuum proposed early in the evening to the abduction of planet Earth by a giant wandering intergalactic vaccuumcleaning transvestite unicorn proposed just before closing time. Pauly Filla a retired nuclear t... 2012-3-7 10:21:35 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#113015 Having lived in Holland for quite some time now I can confirm that they have finally gone insane.I can handle the competiveness the cheese the cycling three abreast the insistence on speaking loudly all the time. I can deal with the driving as fast as possible even no especially in bad weather the windmills the condescending tone reserved for people who dont speak perfect Dutch. I can handle the fact that every Dutch person feels obliged to share his or her opinion on every matter even when that opinion is clearly illinformed. I can even handle the fact that one of their political parties has started a shopaforeigner site in which people can share their bad experiences of Eastern European especially Polish visitors to Holland even though Poland is a major trade partner. This however has gone too far. The Dutch are possessed of a particular insanity that involves ice. They love to skate whenever the temperature drops low enough for ice to form they all head for the nearest canal. Every ... 2012-2-22 08:03:58 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#111411 This week one of the authors of the SOPA bill demonstrated his indepth knowledge of the Internet by playing solitaire and reading his emails one of which just happened to be a lengthy letter of criticism of the SOPA bill from some of the key people responsible for the development of the Internet. When asked by a reporter if he planned to respond to the email the senator replied that he would just as soon as he could get some stamps from the post office. He then logged onto Lolcatz and spent ten minutes laughing and pointing at the pictures while repeating the text in an exaggerated voice. He went on to explain that he was pretty sure cats did not really talk like that because his sister had a cat and it never spoke at least not when he was in the room. When asked if he had the IP address bookmarked the senator panicked and closed his laptop claiming it was cold and that he was scared it would catch a virus.Next week a group of senators will bring in their brand new Macbook Airs and dem... 2012-1-30 07:53:26 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#111242 This week saw a dramatic turn of events on Hollands roads as the entire nation ground to a halt in a massive gridlock that left vehicles unable to move.The tipping point came at 1245pm on Saturday when Els van Flink of Delft drove her brand new Ford Fiesta out of her local dealership and took the last available space on Hollands crowded road network.Holland has now effectively become the worlds largest carpark as people sit in their vehicles shouting at everyone and hooting their horns. The event also saw the crash of Twitter and Facebook as fourteen million drivers rushed to be the first to tell everyone that they were in a traffic jam.Jan van Janssen the Dutch Minister of Hats and Sunglasses announced on his blog that he had known this would happen for ages but that nobody would listen. Meanwhile the Minister of Traffic Congestion responded on his own blog that short of covering the entire country in tarmac there was little that could be done. Holland is a very small country and alth... 2012-1-27 07:45:18 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#108571 My short essay Show Me How to Show is featured in the Winter 2011 edition of Starsongs Magazine available here.Aimed at young authors the piece explains the difference between telling your reader that there is a dinosaur in your vegetable patch and showing it. 2011-12-12 09:10:07 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#106665 For the past few weeks I have been featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction.My guest today is Nick Giannaras author of The Relics of Nanthara trilogy from MuseItUp Publishing. You can purchase Book 1 of the trilogy The Relics of Nanthara at Amazon or the MuseItUp store. Nick how long have you been writingIve been writing actively for five years. When did you feel called to writeWhen a lady spoke into my life saying that there were untapped talents that needed to be revealed I havent stopped since. Where do you get your ideas for your storiesMy first novel actually came from an old Dungeons amp Dragons game I ran years ago. The rest come in various ways a title a song a movie a verbal idea from my kids and pure imagination. Was it hard to develop a writing styleNope. When I type it flows as it is given to me. Have you dealt with writers block If so how did you overcome itHmmm the main way I deal with it is I sit down with my wife and verbally discus... 2011-11-12 09:50:40 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#106191 This month I have been featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction.My guest today is Adam Graham coauthor of Tales of a Dim Knight published by Splashdown Books. So Adam how long have you been writing Since I was eight almost nine years old. Before the San Francisco Earthquake I was writing BatmanSuperman Fanfiction. Where do you get your ideas for your storiesEverywhere Sermons at church out of the blue. Sometimes Ill get ideas from TV shows particularly one where I dont enjoy the episode and I imagine how it really should be told. Do you find a part of your personality sneaking into any of your charactersHere and there probably the clown and sarcastic tendencies are the ones most likely to appear. Were there any scenes you found difficult to write Made you angry or made you cryIm working on a Short Story thats trying to become a novelette and the final confrontation scene was very tough. The story deals with child abuse and I kept wanting to han... 2011-11-5 08:28:11 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#105627 This month I have been featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction.My guest today is Cindy Koepp author of Remnant in the Stars due to be released by Under The Moon in spring 2012. How long have you been writing CindyOh most of 33 years. My mother has an old short story I wrote when I was six or seven. The hobby continued on since then. When did you feel called to writeI dont know. I dont know if I was ever called. About five years ago when I was more irritated with teaching than usual I asked God if hed object to me being a fulltime writer. That hasnt happened yet but Ive made lots of connections with other writers and critique groups and the like. I even have a contract now for one of my books. Where do you get your ideas for your storiesSometimes they get left in my mental voice mail with no mention of the source on the caller ID. Other times theyre based on some misadventure in my own life with the decimal point moved over several orders of magnit... 2011-10-29 09:50:00 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#105167 This month I have been featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction.My guest today is Caprice Hokstad author of the Ascendancy Trilogy fantasy novels The Dukes Handmaid and Nor Iron Bars a Cage. Caprice is also a contributing author in Aquasynthesis an anthology of short stories. How long have you been writing CapriceFiction About fifteen years. When did you feel called to writeI dont feel like I have been called to write as some sort of mandate from God. If God tells you to write of course you should obey but God hasnt really told me I have to write. Does a Christian have to be called to knit Or can it just be a hobby I dont believe crosses or fish symbols must be woven deep into every design of every scarf in order for knitting to be a legitimate use of a Christians time. I enjoy writing and my beliefs will affect everything I write but I dont think I am called to write. Where do you get your ideas for your storiesI really dont know. I have a very we... 2011-10-22 09:08:21 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#104670 All this month I will be featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction. Todays guest is Yvonne Anderson author of The Story in the Stars the first book in the Gateway to Gannah series. So Yvonne how long have you been writingI started writing since I was old enough to hold a crayon. But as far as writing seriously with hopes of publication That began in 2002. I was offered my first publishing contract in 2011. When did you feel called to writeSee above. It was in February. Two of my four kids were grown and on their own the younger two were in school and my hours at work had recently been cut to twelve hours a week. And wed just gotten a new computer. While cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast it occurred to me that everything had fallen into place for me it was time to write that book that had been in the back of my mind for the past couple of decades. I tried to brush away the idea but eventually I realized it wasnt just an idea it was the H... 2011-10-15 09:35:36 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#104155 This week I will be featuring a series of interviews with authors of Christian speculative fiction. These are people who are passionate about sharing their faith through stories that glorify God.Please welcome todays guest Kimberli Rene233 Campbell author of The Sword of Light series of books. Kimberli graciously agreed to visit with me and share some of her thoughts. How long have you been writing Kimberli I have been writing for over 10 years. However I still have a lot to learn. When did you feel called to writeI cant say I remember a specific time when the Lord put the desire in my heart. All I know now is I have a deep need to write the stories he gives me. Do you spend time in prayer before you write or begin a project My relationship with the Lord is most important. I dont feel that I can really write to my fullest potential unless the Lord and I communicate. We are a team. How do you respond when someone comments that certain elements magic vampires zombies etc. in your story d... 2011-10-8 09:12:00 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#101769 SUPERHERO FOR HIRE Are you being mugged Is someone pointing a gun at you Are you hanging by your fingernails from a twenty storey building Do you need a superhero If so then call Mister Metro today. Mister Metro guarantees your speedy rescue or your money back. With twenty years experience in catering and fashion design Mister Metro will not only rescue you but he will look good doing it. In a recent poll Mister Metro was voted the worlds bestdressed superhero with his tights receiving an honorary award for being both sheer and spangly. Tired of waiting for Superman to get over Lois Lane Fed up of waiting for Batman to figure out what he should put on his utility belt Sick of having to listen to Spidermans lame wisecracks Call Mister Metro and he will be there in his brand new Geo Metro before you can say absolutely fabulous. With a black belt in Couture Origami and Potpourri Mister Metro can quickly and effectively eradicate any threat to your person. Other powers include Dazzli... 2011-9-4 15:11:27 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#99123 As the world continues to struggle to recover from the recent economic crisis with the maninthestreet still feeling the aftershocks I was fortunate to secure an interview with the head of the International Bankers Society Ivan Tallyo Monet on his 400foot yacht The Venturist currently moored off the coast of the beautiful city of Monte Carlo.Ivan welcomes me on board his yacht.PB Thank you for welcoming me onto your magnificent yacht Mr. Monet. Is that chair real goldIvan You are very welcome. Yes it is real gold. In fact most of the fittings and furniture on this yacht are real gold. I prefer gold to other metals. It has a quality that most other metals lack dont you thinkPB And it is more expensive.Ivan Ah yes but you cannot put a price on quality.PB Indeed. Mr Monet I am here to get some insight into the workings of the IBC. People out there are suffering due to the mistakes made by the major banks. What do you say to those people who have lost everything while the bankers have got o... 2011-7-26 08:10:58 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#98392 Ive worked in places like this... 2011-7-15 07:27:16 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#98331 In a surprise announcement on Monday the Dutch government told reporters that summer has been officially cancelled this year. Standing outside the Ministry of Tulips Windmills Clogs and Cheese the Dutch finance minister Jan van der Vander stated that he had included a reduction in nice weather as part of the countrys austerity plans for 2011.It costs a lot of guilders to keep the sun shining van der Vander said. We cannot justify that kind of expense in this difficult economic climate.When a reporter raised the issue of tourism the minister pointed out that nobody comes to Holland for the weather. And the locals vacate the county enmasse between June and August to clog up the motorways of neighbouring countries with their caravans so they wouldnt care.The new measures began this week with a drop in temperatures blustery wind and torrential rain. Minister van der Vander officially launched the event with a ribboncutting ceremony before heading for the south of France with his Super Delu... 2011-7-14 08:10:30 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#97585 Fancy trying some new authors without breaking the bank For this weekend only ending Monday July 4th you can get any Kindle book from the Splashdown catalog on Amazon for just 99162. Click here or search for Splashdown Books Kindle. 2011-7-4 07:47:41 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#96286 Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 Style Definitions table.MsoNormalTable msostylenameTable Normal msotstylerowbandsize0 msotstylecolbandsize0 msostylenoshowyes msostyleparent msopaddingalt0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt msoparamargin0in msoparamarginbottom.0001pt msopaginationwidoworphan fontsize10.0pt fontfamilyTimes New Roman msofareastfontfamilyTimes New Roman msoansilanguage0400 msofareastlanguage0400 msobidilanguage0400 Rejection Letters The greatest number of rejection letters received by one writer is 1076 a record held by Albert Norris GB. During his thirtyyear career Albert sent his scifi novel Robot Rebel to every agent and publisher listed in the Writers and Artists Yearbook at least three times. Albert also holds the record for the shortest rejection letter containing just three words please go away as well as the rec... 2011-6-15 09:52:37 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#95513 When I was a kid I really wanted to be a superhero. Perhaps thats why I prefer to wear my underpants outside my trousers. People may point and laugh but I think they secretly know how cool it looks. In fact when I was young I had a huge poster of Superman stuck to the wall next to my bed. I suppose it was comforting to think that someone so strong was watching over me as I slept. Also it was useful for hiding the escape tunnel I was digging at the time.Superman was the first superhero I really admired. Later came Spiderman with his nifty webflinging and his witty oneliners. Then I discovered Batman with his amazing utility belt and cool Batmobile. At some point I came across a comic featuring Captain America and he became my favourite superhero. I dont know why I liked him. I think it was because of his gritty determination. And he had that awesome shield.I was thinking about superheroes recently and it occurred to me that there are degrees of superheroness.... 2011-6-5 13:22:45 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#91642 I was doing a virtual tour of Holland using Google Maps recently when I stumbled upon an intriguing set of images in The Hague. Thanks to a fortunate coincidence it would appear that giants are alive and well and living on the beach in the Netherlands. 2011-4-14 12:53:38 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#91633 Alpha Redemption has reached the finals of The Grace Awards a readers choice award of faithbased fiction.Results will be announced on May 12th. You can see all finalists here. 2011-4-13 09:54:50 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#88532 There was panic across Europe today when a strange blue object appeared in the clouds over the continent. This object has since been identified by scientists as the sky. In a press release the government asked citizens to remain calm while they attended an emergency factfinding meeting in a luxurious nuclear bunker two miles beneath Brussels. Mass hysteria ensued at the subsequent appearance of a bright yellow object that scientists claim is actually a mythical celestial object the Ancients once referred to as the Sun. The head scientist at the University of Stuff We Dont Understand in Amsterdam was quoted as saying Wow as he emerged from a coffee shop in the city centre to join the throngs of people gazing up at the astonishing sight amid the screams of Im blind Im blind and the hiss of disintegrating vampires. 2011-3-6 09:58:34 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#86002 They say all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I must be the dullest person alive today. I just checked the date on my last blog entry. November 8th 2010 Thats like a year ago. Okay so its only four months but still. Thats like almost half a year ago And the reason for so much effort and so little leisure I would tell you but that would make me even more dull. Suffice it to say Im busy. All right if you must know. The biggest culprit is my next story. Last night I passed the 58k mark which puts me about 10k from the finish which means Im approaching the climactic plot climax ed redundant.As is the way with me my mind now wont shut down. I listen to audio books on my daily commute but its hopeless because I keep thinking about my own story when I should be concentrating on the book Im listening to. I then have to rewind and pick up where I left off. I also tend to slip into edit mode which means I listen out for errors. This morning I heard the same word repeated five times in abo... 2011-2-2 12:40:50 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#77343 The combination of anger frustration and resignation on the face of a mother standing at the checkout counter after dragging her children and a full trolley all over the supermarket only to discover that her youngest and brightest has been using her credit card as a teething device. 2010-10-8 07:45:22 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#76889 I tell anyone who will listen that I first learned about cheesecake at age nineteen and kick myself for not trying the stuff sooner. I think it was because some things just dont make sense. For example you wouldnt put a teaspoon of jam in your morning coffee or eggs in your icecream sundae or bubblegum in your pancakes. So who first came up with the notion that putting cheese in a cake was a good idea In my mind cheese cake doesnotcompute. I suspect it was an accident because I cant imagine someone holding a tub of fromage frais in one hand and a cake base in the other and thinking...well you know what they must have been thinking. And yet it works. For some unknown reason cheesecake actually tastes very nice. In fact it tastes very very nice or at least to me it does. I waited nineteen years before taking the plunge which is about the same time I waited before deciding to open my heart to God. For years Christianity didnt make any sense to me. I always thought strength came from bei... 2010-10-2 13:42:34 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#76757 The sheer joy on the face of a baby experiencing a belly laugh for the first time. httpwww.youtube.comwatchv5P6UU6m3cqk 2010-9-30 16:18:25 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#76318 A few years ago I was thinking about those cats eyes you see in the road to light the way. Theyre simple but very effective and they have made their inventor very very wealthy. I started thinking about things that would be useful but simple to make. One night I woke up and had a brilliant idea. Was it useful Check Was it simple to make Check Would it make me very very wealthy Perhaps. So I went back to sleep dreaming of my invention and the end of my financial woes. The next morning I tried to think about my marvellous brainchild but it was gone. I dug deep into my memory but came out with nothing. They say the human brain never forgets anything and that it is the retrieval of information that people struggle with. They say the best method of remembering something is to try your hardest for a minute and then forget about it. Have you ever tried to remember a name then given up only to have it pop into your mind later on while you where thinking about something complete... 2010-9-25 09:38:39 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#76054 That goofy droopyeyed look that comes with the complete loss of control of all facial muscles during the halfsecond immediately prior to an epic sneeze. 2010-9-22 07:09:13 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#75823 Not so long ago a pigeon appeared in our back yard. It had plastic rings around its legs so we knew it belonged to someone. I checked the Interwebs and found oodles of advice. It seems that homing pigeons get lost all the time. Anyway the advice for dealing with a lost pigeon boiled down to simply leaving it alone for a few days. It is probably just tired and needs a rest. If it hasnt left after a day or two try to catch it and read the tags on its legs which should have a unique code that can be checked online. So we waited. My family nicknamed it Geoffrey and we gave it bird food and water. At some point we left the garage door open and it moved in where it set about painting everything in BirdPoop White. After a week Geoffrey looked set to stay so we decided to investigate the tags. We did research on how to catch a pigeon. One method suggested sitting and waiting at the end of a trail of bird seed. The other proposed sneaking up on it and just grabbing itgently. We ... 2010-9-19 11:34:12 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#72220 When you are writing do you ever take the easy route By that I mean do you come to a scene and instead of sweating over how to make it as good as it can be you rush through it Or maybe you sneak a little bit of telling in when you should really be showing Maybe you whitewash over it when you ought to be getting the easel out and experimenting with the full palette at your disposal. Perhaps you use flat language when you really need to reach for that perfect metaphor. Or you ignore pacing and tension just because you want to get to the intense action scene in the next chapter where you get to describe the battle between the robots and the molepeople.Im guilty of doing all these things because there are times when I simply dont feel like doing more than the basics. Sometimes Im tired or bored and just want to move on to a more interesting bit of the plot. I do it hoping that noboody will notice. I stand there whistling a nonchalant tune with my hands in my pockets and my freshlywaxed hal... 2010-7-30 11:42:25 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#69726 I was fifteen years old when I first sat behind the wheel of a car with the intention of driving it. My mum suggested I park her prized VW Golf in the garage. Im not sure how the subject came up. I dont remember asking her or even discussing driving. Maybe she figured I was just getting to that age. All I know is that I ended up sitting in the drivers seat with the keys in my hand and with my mum in the passenger seat. A few seconds later we would be sitting in exactly the same positions but with the nose of the car pressed firmly against the back wall of the garage and a thin pall of dust drifting slowly to the ground.As with all of the traumatic events in my life the whole thing is indelibly etched into the region of my brain that holds onto things that it deems so important for my survival that if it were capable of clutching a permanent marker it would scribble them on my forehead. I remember my mum explaining the functions of the different pedals. I remember nodding and possibly s... 2010-7-7 09:40:12 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67676 Ive been trying my best to think of something interesting to tell you in the lead up to Alpha sorry Alpha Redemption being let loose on an unsuspecting world. I was hoping to have some fascinating snippets of esoteric information to share with you regarding the arcane inner workings of the publication business. The only interesting thing Ive done no really is to sign up with the Chicago Manual of Style Online in the hope that I could hopefully pick up some tips on how to improve where possible my use of and application of commas because apparently too many commas can make your text virtually unreadable. Or so they say. I suppose I could tell you about the rereading and rechecking and rerereading. Or I could tell you about the gnawing feeling that youve missed something somewhere in the manuscript that youll only spot when the thing hits the shelves. Or maybe I could mention the glaring error I spotted this weekend in a rather important plot point that requi... 2010-6-18 10:07:18 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67675 I have moments of weakness. Im a lot better than I used to be but I still have a problem handling lucrative celebrity book deals. I have been at peace with the whole menotyetpublished thing for some time now but theres something about celebrities being fawned over by publishing companies that irks me to the very soles of my waterproof Wellingtons. If you are anything like me the news that someone rich and famous has been published usually results in a carbfueled slump because hey Ive got a perfectly good story gathering dust on my hard drive but no agent or publisher has shown the slightest bit of interest even though Ive thrown my heart and soul into it and everyone whos seen it has loved it and Ive polished it so hard they could use it in the Hubble telescope. As a general rule the depth of my slump is directly proportional to the prior fame of the lucky author multiplied by their wealth plus the square of the distance of the source of that persons fame fro... 2010-5-31 10:06:13 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67674 I was thinking the other day about a film I saw a few months back. It was The Rookie starring Dennis Quaid. If you havent seen it it is the true story of a middleaged man who gets a second chance to try out for major league baseball. He leaves his family and job behind and hits the road. At some point when things get tough he loses sight of his goals. Disillusioned he considers quitting. While out walking on day contemplating his future he passes a group of school kids playing a game of baseball. He realizes that these children are playing for the sheer joy of it. In a eureka moment he turns to a colleague and says Do you know what we get to do today Brooks We get to play baseball Sometimes when Im writing I forget why I started in the first place. I get so caught up in the desire to succeed that it becomes a chore and I lose sight of the sheer joy of writing. I mean how many people can say that they get to create worlds in their spare time We start with a bl... 2010-5-20 10:05:26 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67673 You dont want to watch a scifi film while Im in the same roomyou can trust me on this. I annoy people. I annoy myself. I dont know why but I just cant seem to make it through an entire movie without flattening the pause button and saying something like Come one thats not right Im like that with most films but scifi is the worst. Appeals to dramatic license fall on deaf ears with me. Maybe two hundred years ago during a play when all the actors were men and the props were made of string and cardboard but not with todays technology and the general understanding of how things work. Today there should be no need for dramatic license. Okay there are exceptions where license is evoked on purpose see Gattaca for example but Im more concerned with those stories that try to come across as scientifically sound but then go and fail on the basics. Im better than I used to be but Im still not completely healed. I still cant watch Star Wars without getting irritated and i... 2010-5-6 10:04:32 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67672 Im in the Doldrums at the moment at least as far as my writing is concerned. Ive got the sails up and the hatches battened down and Im ready to hit the high seas of literary endeavor but theres not a breath of wind out there. I am adrift on a sea of words but the gusts of inspiration arent blowing and wouldnt you know it I forgot to bring the outboard motor and the dodgy metaphors are gathering like seagulls around an overloaded fishing trawler. Which is why Im writing this now. Here on the New Author Fellowship were supposed to average about approximately roughly one blog entry a week and I already did mine on Friday. But Id rather be doing this than getting on with what I should be doing ie. writing my novel. Ive pondered this tendency I have of getting stuck and think the problem is that I cant do more than one thing at the same time. I cant multitask. Its probably a lame excuse but I cant think of any other reason. Heres an example I once walked daydream... 2010-4-27 10:03:28 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67671 Time is odd isnt it It appears to trundle along in the background minding its own business without pomp or ceremony head down and jaw set never deviating from its path as it marks out our days months seasons and lives. But is it really doing that When I was young I wasted so much time. Its criminal really. I spent hours just sitting there waiting for something to happen. I remember one time sitting on the beach while my mum and stepdad had a blazing row. I dont remember how long I sat there but it was a long time. Or at least it felt like a long time. It felt like an eternity as I dug my toes in the sand wondering if this would be their last fight or just another in an ongoing series of fights. It turned out to be the latter which meant more spells on the beach or in my room or in the back seat of the carwaiting. But waiting for what Waiting for something to happen I guess. Waiting for something to change. Sometimes I look back at the time I wasted and my hear... 2010-4-23 10:02:36 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67670 I think of myself as a writer but I once forgot how to spell house during a high school final exam. No lies. I dont know why but it just seemed to look wrong somehow. Normally my spelling is pretty good and I can rattle off long words like floccinaucinihilipilification and antidisestablishmentarianism without much problem. That day however I could not remember how to spell house. I get that with other words sometimes as wellusually short ones. Ill look at a word Ive seen a gazillion times before and go huh. If you dont mind getting all Zenlike try it for yourself. Take any word and look at it from a different angle. Take the word flood for example. Say it slowly and listen to the sounds. FLUD. Now look at the letters. FLOOD. Doesnt it look and sound a little weird Okay so maybe it doesnt always work but it was an important exam and I was really stressed out and maybe my brain was full and the word house was next in line to be evicted to make room for some oth... 2010-4-13 10:01:44 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67669 Theres an expression in Britain and Australia too I believe backward in coming forward. It is used to describe someone who lacks confidence or who is shy. I think that if there is any idiom in the English language to describe my personality it is that one although I would add the word painfully in front of shy. When it comes to coming forward Im as backward as they come. As a small child I would hide under the stairs if a stranger particularly my future stepfather came to visit. As an older child I always sat by myself on the playground and only joined in with the others if someone asked me. As a teenager I found girls fascinating but lacked the courage to even attempt a conversation with one. I had my first date when I was nineteen and notched up a grand total of two thats 2 girlfriends the second one being my wife of twenty years. I was and to some extent still am very shy. Add to this a tendency towards being overly selfcritical and you have someone who ... 2010-4-7 10:00:58 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67668 I do a lot of cycling mostly to work and back every day. Ive been doing it religiously for five years now. Its five miles each way so thats ten miles a day fifty miles a week over twohundred miles a month averaging about twothousand threehundred miles a year. So over the past five years Ive covered eleventhousand fivehundred miles Now this surprized me Ive just worked it out because it didnt feel so far. I mean thats like traveling half way around the equator or going from Iraq to Hawaii If each mile were a knitting stitch Id probably have a pair of socks by now or maybe even a scarf and gloves see Kristens post httpnewauthors.wordpress.com20100213onestitchatatimee280a6. Ive worn out five sets of tires and three bicycles. Ive broken dozens of spokes and lost count of the punctures. Ive cycled in sun rain hail and snow. One time I cycled in a side wind strong enough to bring trees down and blow trucks off the road remind me to tell you about that one some ... 2010-3-12 10:00:05 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67667 Ive been doing this for quite a long time now and in spite of my best efforts and being told by many people that I should be published I have yet to have a single word make its way to print. Heres what I have learned over the years as an aspiring writer you can follow all the rules of good writing and produce a story of publishable standard and not be published you can break all the rules of good writing and produce a story that should never have made it past the editor and be published you can do writing courses and attend conferences and network for years and not find a publisher you can show your manuscript to one person who knows someone who happens to know an agent and be published you can study the market and write a novel that fits perfectly with current and emerging trends and not be published you can write something completely offthewall that flies in the face of current and emerging trends and be published After finding an agent and coming close... 2010-3-4 09:59:01 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67664 Theres no excuse for it really. Im fit relatively and healthy relatively. I own a computer that almost never crashes with an English keyboard that has no sticky or missing keys. I have at least two wordprocessors that will format my words into a staggering array of fonts and styles including emboss engrave and even hidden why would anyone ever need that. Last night I had six hours of sleep which is a lot for me so I feel rested and alert. I am not overly thirsty nor am I hungry. I have no persistent aches or pains. There really is no excuse. I think the problem is that I am in that strange twilight not the book zone where I desperately want to continue with a novel but cant focus because I am waiting for a finished manuscript to be read by my beta victims readers. My mind cant seem to shake that heady mix of hope and dread that takes me back to my childhood days when I would proudly present my latest work of art to a parent or teacher in the hope of elici... 2010-2-16 09:55:31 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67663 I thought it would be fun to come up with a tongueincheek list of things that describe what it means to be a writer or more specifically a Christian writer. Ive started with some of mine. Please feel free to add your own. 1 The second thing you think about in the morning is your latest story. As a Christian your first thought should be about God. 2 The secondtolast thing you think about at night is your latest story. See point 1. 3 You spend all day trying to find time to write but when you finally do find the time you think of a million other things to do first such as reading Leviticus. 4 Other people look around and see life. You look around and see potential plot points. 5 You try to simply enjoy reading other peoples stories but cant help critiquing them. 6 Spotting a typo in a published authors novel is a source of satisfaction. You later repent of this. 7 Spotting a major plot error in a published authors novel is a source of joy. You later ... 2010-2-7 09:53:13 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67662 Last time Finding My Voice I cant sing. I dont know why but I just cant get the right noises to come from my vocal chords. It always sounds fine inside my head but something happens between my brain and my lips and its not pretty. I stopped trying to sing in the company of other people a long time ago. I now mime the words and listen to those around me who are blessed with the ability to make music with their mouths. I used to sing but that was not good. Whenever I tried heads would turn brows would furrow and the space around my person would mysteriously expand. One time I tried to help some friends remember a praise and worship tune by singing the opening bars. I thought I did a pretty good rendition but someone snickered. So not only does my singing upset people it makes them less Christian as well. The late great Al Oerter at 64. Its a genetic thing I think because my brother cant sing to save his life. I remember standing in a tiny church at a wed... 2010-2-2 09:47:53 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67661 Last time A Growing Pile of Rejection Letters Not so long ago I was browsing through an online music catalog to see if I could find anything of interest. Normally Christian music is listed as a separate genre. In this particular catalog however the Christian artists were lumped in with the all the rest under genres like rock and pop and easy listening. This meant that I had to trawl through thousands of artists to try to find something to my taste. What struck me was just how many bands there are out there. Every now and then a familiar name would appear but the vast majority were names I had never heard before. That got me thinking about what it is that separates the bands that nobody knows from the BANDS that are household names. I think a lot of it has to do with the sound. Every now and then a band comes along that can make music that is not just pleasing to the ear but also distinctive. It is this unique sound that lifts them above the rest and makes the... 2010-1-28 09:47:25 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67659 Last time The Urge to Write When the agents letter arrived asking if they could see the full manuscript I think I set a new world record for getting from my front door to our local post office. I dont remember much about the next few weeks. Part of me wanted them to like it. Another part expected them to send me the usual rejection letter. We prayed over it and left it in Gods hands. Three weeks later a letter dropped through the mailbox. They liked The Wire but felt it needed more dialogue. I spent a week revising the manuscript. I sent if off again. Two weeks later they replied. I read the letter. I read it again. My hands started shaking. One sentence stood out from all the rest May we represent you in selling The Wire At this point I honestly thought I had begun a new career as a writer. I immediately set about writing down three more ideas and submitted them. The agent liked them all and took them on. In the meantime the rejection letters started coming... 2010-1-25 09:45:21 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67658 Do you remember the very first time you felt the desire to write More specifically do you remember the first time you felt the desire to write for God I think I can pinpoint it to a period of about two weeks almost thirteen years ago. I was fed up with my job. I was a brand new Christian complete with diaper dummy and squeaky stroller. I was working as a trainee programmer in a large openplan office with about forty staunch atheists. I happened to mention to a colleague that I was going to be busy that Sunday. Doing what they asked. Church I said. Why they asked. Because Im a Christian I said. The word that there was a religious nut in their midst spread around the office at lightspeed. Most were bemused and would ask questions like So you raise your hands and clap and sing and stuff Many would shake their heads in pity as if I was suffering from a terminal illnesss. It wasnt so bad at first but then people started taking every opportunity to trip me up. ... 2010-1-22 09:43:55 http://www.pabaines.com/page9.htm#67657 Okay Im not really interested in vampires. All I know is that they are an ancient myth popularized in fiction by John Polidori and later Bram Stoker. So when Twilight fever hit I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. Some people loved it. Others hated it with a passion. Not one to make a judgment based on other peoples opinions I read the first two chapters.What did I think Well I had this sudden overpowering urge to write a spoof. But instead of a vampire I thought it would be fun to use a zombie. So here is the first chapter of Ned A Zombie Love Story written in the style of Twilight. Any errors are intentional.Chapter 1My name is Nelly Flounce. It was my last day in the city and the weather was really bad. I hated bad weather because it made me feel bad. Later it became sunny but I hated the sun and that made my mood even worse. In the afternoon it was neither cold nor sunny. I hated that because it was boring. Soon however I would be in Skewer where the weather was always... 2010-1-15 09:41:04